Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
