somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Randomize
