Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Randomize
