So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
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