hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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