you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize