My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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