I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
