I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This house was built for laser tag.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
