so that wasnt chicken after all
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
