one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize