Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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