Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
