We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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