# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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