Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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