The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
