He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
