Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
