That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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