Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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