I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
