Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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