so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
