ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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