i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
