yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
