Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
