Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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