she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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