Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I think I am morally bankrupt
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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