Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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