uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
