just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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