So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
