Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
