You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
