no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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