shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
