First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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