I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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