I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
