I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
