i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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