taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
