Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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