If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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