I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
