his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
