so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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