There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
