I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Randomize
