There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
Randomize
