I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
