I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
