Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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