Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
