Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I want to walk on stilts...naked
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
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