instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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