I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
