I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Randomize
