I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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