Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Green mimosas i think yes
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
