cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
