i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
